Sibling age gaps

It’s the million dollar question that probably comes up in almost every couple’s convo when they discuss having children or adding to their family. The ideal age gap between siblings can vary greatly depending on various factors like fertility, maternal age, personal preferences, family dynamics, and cultural considerations. What do you think is the perfect gap?

Our first child was born when we were 18 years old. Just a few years earlier than what we might have planned for. Our second child arrived 6 years later when we were in our mid 20’s. Child number 3 arrived 12 years after that in our late 30’s and although that gap should have been much closer unfortunately that was out of our hands with 2 miscarriages in between and for a while we just didn’t get pregnant which happens sometimes. So we would say large gaps are awesome because that is all we have known. However, do be prepared to answer the ‘Do they have the same dad’ question a million times!

Let’s consider the following points and explore this topic a little more:

Personal Factors:

• • Consider your own family circumstances, such as your age, lifestyle, and readiness to have another child. We all have unique needs and capabilities, so what works for one may not work for another.
  • What is your parenting style and how are your energy levels? Having children close in age might mean dealing with the challenges of raising multiple young children simultaneously, while a larger age gap could allow you to focus more on each child’s individual needs. We can confirm that our first 2 children have both felt like they were from an only child family at times having 100% full parents attention.

Sibling Bond:

• • Research suggests that siblings with smaller age gaps tend to develop closer relationships and shared interests. They may also be more likely to have common experiences, play together, and provide emotional support to one another. 

Although with this point we would say our large gaps are the same. Our older 2 like similar things, played together, love hanging out together and a bonus for Mr C is big sister can take him places. So for us these things are more how you are raised than age gap alone as we know plenty of people who have same age gaps or less and their kids do not do the above well at all. 

• • On the other hand, larger age gaps can allow each child to have their own space and independence, potentially leading to less rivalry and more individual attention from parents.

Parental Attention:

• • Having children with a smaller age gap may require dividing your attention and resources more intensively. Consider how you can manage the demands of multiple young children and ensure each child receives the necessary attention, nurturing, and guidance.
  • A larger age gap can allow you to focus more on each child individually during their critical developmental stages, as you may have more experience and time available.

Practical Considerations:

• • Finances are something that may play a significant role when deciding on the age gap between siblings. It can be expensive to raise children, so consider the financial impact of having multiple children close together or further apart.

Remember you don’t always need the latest greatest newest things and buying secondhand can save you a lot of money. Although I personally wouldn’t buy a secondhand car seat unless I definitely knew how it was treated and stored etc. and cot mattresses. I would only buy new ones also. That is just personal preference.

• • Then you have the logistics of managing multiple children at different stages of life. Having children with smaller age gaps may involve coordinating schedules, school activities, and childcare arrangements.

Individual Development:

• • This can influence the individual development of each child. Smaller age gaps might mean that siblings go through similar stages and milestones together, which has its advantages in terms of shared experiences and support.
  • Larger age gaps can offer older siblings an opportunity to develop leadership and caregiving skills, and they may also enjoy mentoring and guiding their younger siblings.

Now something we have heard is people implying that the older sibling must be parenting the younger ones. We can assure you this doesn’t happen nor would we allow it. It’s also something people assume about larger families and whilst I am sure there are families out there that do utilise their older children as babysitters, We do NOT. And it’s also none of our business how other families choose to parent. Although when our oldest asks if she can take her siblings out for the day we don’t hesitate to say YES!!  

Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to what the perfect age gap between siblings should be. Consider your family’s unique circumstances, personal preferences, and priorities when making this decision. What matters most is creating a loving and supportive environment for your children, regardless of the age gap between them. Big age gaps can work just as well as smaller age gaps. It is a decision for you and your family, not anyone else.

Thanks for reading and if you haven’t already jump over and follow us on Facebook or on Instagram or leave a comment on our blog. Until next time xx Tennille – Barker Family Adventure